I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
