While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
