remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
