i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
