bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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