I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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