I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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