I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
