You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
