Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My life is pants optional.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
