it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
