next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize