I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
