I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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