i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
