I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
