Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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