The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
