found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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