I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
