nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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