life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
