Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
