I wanna bring you to show and tell
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
