Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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