I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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