turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
