just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
