with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
