woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
