LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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