hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
