You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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