It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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