from now on my penis is your penis
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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