i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
