our cab driver is having phone sex.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wear drunk well.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
