oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
