That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
