I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
