I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
