There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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