ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
