dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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