I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
