i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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