In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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