SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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