Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
