Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
