So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
